9th October 2015, Friday.
Yesterday's meeting with the oncologist left me depressed and frustrated. It was mentally tiring...no exhausting both for me and TW.
I have decided to take childcare leave today to spend sometime with the kids to get the negative energies off. Incidentally, today is children's day. My mummies friends have been so kind to take leave from their work and take kids out to play. But I also need to see my surgeon today. I have decided to run by the clinical trials and treatment options with him. I trust him. He has always given me a balanced and informed advice. TW feels more comfortable with him too. We made appointment to meet him at 4 pm at his clinic.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Went to surgeon clinic at 4 pm. We are a little late, but usually he has many patients. Went in and said hi to the nurses (do I call them that? I always don't really know how to say that.) Told the nurses that TW was looking for a carpark and we are not in a hurry.
We were his last patient actually. As usually my surgeon is his smiley face often with a tinge of firmness in him. It's a amazing how he stays so positive when he sees so many cases of breasts cancers all the time.
We sat down and related what happened the day before at NCC. The frustrations included. He pondered and remained silent for a while. Hands clasped together in front of him with 2nd fingers touching each other placed under his nose looking downwards. He often does that when he is thought. pondering on how he should respond to what I have said.
"Actually, if you think of it. It is not wrong of the oncologist not suggesting chemotherapy. It's just the way she has put it across ....." He started as he unclasped his hands. Actually, I am no so sure why. When it comes out of his mouth, I am not as agitated as yesterday. Is it because I have seen him for so many years and I trust him and his character, or because of his smiling face and positive attitude. Maybe it is the combination of all these.
He then went on to explain to me that I am currently "well" with no complications from the tumours in the lungs and having the tumours to be hormonal receptive, maybe hormonal therapy would be a less aggressive treatment for me. Maybe with the removal of the hormones, my tumours may either be stable or shrink. Of course, the complication is that my blood did not contain any cancer markers and hence will have to do periodic scans. I will therefore have to either take injections to bring me to a postmenopausal state, a surgery or radiotherapy to remove the ovaries. Chemotherapy usually carries greater side effects and hence hormonal therapy may be better. He went on to bring in the fact that we have never scanned for the lungs except in 2004 when I was first diagnosed with breast cancer. Perhaps the tumours have been there for 2-3 years and we only found out this year because of the PET CT scan when we wanted to prepare for mastectomy. In most doctors point of view, I am well and it would not be right to make me sick. Most people live with a chronic disease except for the fact that mine is cancer and that is what makes it scary. We may treat it like a chronic disease - keep it in control so that I will not have complications and monitor it for life.
Yes, it seems to make more sense to me. Yes, I am scared. Scared that the tumours will grow. It will be a mindset change. But I do feel better now. In the least, I now understand the treatments - why chemotherapy is not the only option for me and hormonal therapy may just be as good.
We then went on to discuss the clinical trials and the different types of hormonal drugs and the way to monitor the condition. Spending more than an hour in his office.
Thank you. Thank you for taking time to explain and let me understand. Thank you for giving me hope to live on and thank you for relieving my fears a little. I am still afraid but do feel better,
In the end, I made a resolution to remove my ovaries. It will cut down the sources of hormones and hopefully bring the tumours to remission. In the case of where it should be done, at SGH I am a subsidised patient and at KKH I am not and finally at Mt E - it is a private hospital. So there are 2 factors to take care of : my comfort and cost. Finally, we decided that we should get it done with my gynae at KKH. It could be more expensive than SGH but I trust my doctor and that should be better.
Now, I have to inform my oncologist on my decisions. She has be agreeable on it.
No comments:
Post a Comment